I have just received no less than six phone calls in a span of mere seconds from girlfriends alarmed at the size of Kelly Clarkson’s bum and looking for my opinion on her chubbiness and sorry physical appearance. I can only presume I am contacted because I am a self described food snob and driver of the Fit and Trim Bus. Because I have Bell TV, which is administered by satellite, there is a delay so I wasn’t quite sure what all the fuss was about. I was admittedly tuned into American Idol but the triumphant alum had yet to appear on my television screen. And then there she was. ALL. OF. HER. I just couldn’t help but focus on her fat arse and overall dishevelled look. I know, I know…………being judgemental is poor form on my part. But I am human and we humans are by nature judgemental, women more so.
Honestly, I don’t think I heard a word she said to the ambiguously gay host Ryan Seacrest. I don’t know what he was asking her but if it was me with the mic I would ask “What’s up buttercup?”, “What did you eat?” and “Did it taste good, was it worth it?” I frankly couldn’t turn my attention from Clarkson‘s rotund, unkempt appearance. The words that kept running through my head were train wreck. This is a girl who has the world by the tail; she is by no means an underprivileged soul just trying to make ends meet in a troubled economy with KD and Twinkies. YES, I understand that a successful career does not translate into a positive self image or having your sh*t together on the physical front…….blah blah blah. Oprah is living proof of this hard life lesson. I’m just sayin’.
Anyways, when I finally regained focus she was singing her new single titled My Life Would Suck Without You. Um, that is neither a joke nor a typo; that is the title of her new song, honest. As you might have guessed with such a title, the lyrics were no more ingenious. I distinctly remember hearing Cuz we belong together now over and over and over again. My thoughts wandered to what fatty food it was that she was singing about, what high calorie grub does she ‘belong together’ with? I am awful, yes. But cut me some slack this once; please!!!! I have admitted to both watching American Idol and passing negative judgment about a girl based on her appearance. These are no-nos in a civilized society, although I am not sure which is worse. I have also provided Clarkson’s new video for you to form your own opinion.
You’re welcome, I think.
JLM
